Lost One..

As I was finding me…I lost you.
Dont know what that means
but I guess God knew..
that the road I walk is paved with good intentions
and the route you take is smoothed over with lies.
We was never Us..It was You & I
You wanted I to be all about you, so you planted bullshit
within my ears and watered it with convincing eyes
It didnt take long before a fictitious union……….

grew…..

All i’m chanting now is…goodbyes.

“Miscommunication leads to complication
My emancipation don’t fit your equation”
-Lauryn Hill(Lost One)

Advertisements

Seasons Change………….

I wanted to speak on the final chapter of our “shit”. But I decided that acknowledging you and the BS you pulled was not the route I wanted to take, considering you would get a kick out of the attention as well as knowing you hurt me…again. I was raised with “everyone deserves a 2nd chance” but you have gotten about 5 chances and you still haven’t learned shit. I whole heartedly believed you, again, last weekend. You were so sincere, eye contact was in full affect, and it felt so right. Being with you felt right. Key word being felt, past tense. The ache I felt in my chest the following day, when I realized it was all lies and you stood me up..again..is indescribable. I would never want anyone to experience that, its one of the worst emotions to feel..rejection, deceit, just plain ugliness reared its ass back into my life, on my doorstep, in my heart, infront of my eyes. Your lack of communication and conscious shows me that you are hiding something, and you are too stupid to accept that honesty is the best policy and fess up. I refuse to be a doormat, that is why you will be ringing a dead doorbell. I refuse to sit around for another year waiting for you to follow through with your promises and make us happen. I refuse to be yours when its convenient for you. I refuse to watch amazing men walk past me day in and day out because I am afraid of missing the opportunity with you, if you ever so happen to man up and do as you say. That night, before I feel asleep ..I promised myself I will no longer be here for you. I will not accept your calls, texts, IMs, emails, etc unless you are sincerily apologizing and honestly telling me the truth, the whole truth, and nothing BUT the truth. I will go out with whoever dares to ask me on a date, I will put you to the side, out of sight-out of mind. I will be fine, and most importantly I will be better without you around.

Signed..Sealed..Delivered…

I’m not yours.

When it all fell down…I busted my ass.

I dont even know how to get the words out to form complete sentences. I’m on hiatus. From everyone, and everything except work and family. Nana passed away July 11, 2010. A big piece of me passed with her. I will be back, and stronger than ever; I just can’t sit still and work out something. I am writing random words, scattered thoughts, but nothing I want to share. I need me time. I need to piece back together this jig saw puzzle.

I appreciate all the love and support I’ve received. But for right now, I’m going to fade to black…cue Hova.

-Be

Love of my Life…(series)

Mr. Sun was shining, music got me vibin’..the combination makes me smile 😉 So………I felt compelled to share with you an inspiring love joint that never loses the top spot on my ipod…enjoy!

* In Love With You — Erykah Badu ft. Stephen Marley off of ‘Mama’s Gun’ (2000)
Easily the purest and truest love song to ever bless my eardrums. The simplicity of this track is the reason why its so amazing. Straight to the point…”yo, your pure and true”. When I think of forever with someone, or the possibility of there being soul mates, I immediately think of this song.

“That’s when he took my heart in his hands
And kissed it gently
He open up his lips then said this poetry
I’m in love with you, love with you
Love with you, love with you
Love with you, love with you
Love with you, love with you”

…….
…………..
……………..to be continued xx

-Be

Simply Own It

*THIS TOPIC WAS NOT PLANNED, IT JUST POPPED INTO MY HEAD AS I WAS REFLECTING ON SOME THINGS I HAVE PEEPED LATELY, BASICALLY BEHAVIOR THAT DISTURBED ME. THERE ARE WOMEN WHO GENUINELY HAVE NO LOVE FOR THEMSELVES; TO THE POINT THEY ARE GETTING THEIR BUTTOCKS INJECTED IN NAIL SHOPS WITH BLACK MARKET IMITATION PMMA FILLERS THAT ARE LIFE THREATENING. I ALSO WITNESSED A HANDFUL OF 7TH GRADE GIRLS TALKING ABOUT HOW THEIR FAVORITE ARTIST IS NICKI MINAJ AND THEY ARE POSITIVE THEY CAN MAKE SO & SO’S BED ROCK.
I’M JUST TRYING TO ENCOURAGE WOMEN TO LOVE THEMSELVES. HOPEFULLY THOSE LIL GIRLS GET INTRODUCED TO MORE POSITIVE AND LESS PROVOCATIVE ARTISTS BEFORE ANY (MORE) DAMAGE IS DONE. I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST NICKI MINAJ, I THINK SHE IS AN AMAZING ENTERTAINER BUT I WOULD NOT WANT MY NIECE OR DAUGHTER FOR THAT MATTER LOOKING UP TO THE CHARACTER SHE HAS CREATED AS INSPIRATION, FOR OBVIOUS REASONS. I DIGRESS..YOU CAN LOVE IT OR HATE IT…MY FINGERS JUST KEPT UP TO SPEED WITH MY THOUGHTS, YOU COULD SAY THIS IS A “FREESTYLED” POST/RANT/NOTE/WHATEVER…AS ALWAYS, I HOPE YOU CAN TAKE SOME OF THIS WITH YOU AND GET A LITTLE ANXIOUS TO UPLIFT SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE.
PEACE.**

The beauty of a woman is so versatile. We come in all colors, shapes, & sizes. Some are naturally
thin, others curvy, and some a bit more meaty, all individually unique and ALL beautiful. The problem
with the world today, is that women are pressured to fit a certain mold; an extremely UNREALISTIC MOLD that they see on television, in magazines, music videos, etc. Its easy to say “don’t conform to what society deems as beauty” but much harder to actually live that when everywhere you turn you constantly see perfection. Now more than ever women need to embrace their body and minds that were GOD given..you only get one of each and its vital to love yourself in each and every way, flaws and all.

I am not exempt from the pressure, trust me. Everytime I see Kim Kardashian with her perfect proportions I want to eat a bit less, work out a bit more. BUT I quickly remind myself that we are two different women, two different body types, and live two different lifestyles. For years I hated my freckles, you can literally play connect the dots on my arms and thighs. I was insecure of my complexion, I am of Irish/Portuguese decent and happen to be on the pale side. I have big lips and got called some detrimental names. I could go on and on and on..point being: we all have insecurities.

Now that I am older I appreciate my freckles, they are perfectly positioned where they are supposed to be, and they cannot be matched. My complexion is a reflection of where I come from and I’m proud of my nationality. I embrace my lips and label them one of my best features. Plastic surgery offices make a killing off of women who want what I was blessed with. I also am extremely intelligent, and possess a ton of other qualities that cannot be bought, injected, or duplicated. I realized long ago I will never be the bountiful bootylicious beauty gracing the covers of KING magazine, and that’s all right with me.

Ladies DO NOT limit your beauty to a mirror or someone else’s foolish ideals. We are so lucky to live in a country where we have the opportunity to be educated, speak our MINDS, sing, dance, cry, yell, cuss someone out, and most importantly CHOOSE who we want to love and be what God intended. So do not waste your life trying to be anyone other than yourself. Again, embrace YOU.

Positively school young girls on being confident, teach them to respect themselves and to march to the beat of their own drum.

Love yourself and whatever makes you YOU…simply own it.

As Always-Stay Blessed

-Be

upside down causes me to think right side UP

I want to own a home* I want to have some space in my yard where I can put my green thumb to use and plant a garden-flowers, herbs, fruits & vegetables I want to have a room other than my bedroom where I can paint, write, draw, sew, dream-bE’s private OASIS* I want to give more and contribute to my community, especially in youth services* I want to meet new friends, artsy types, who are creative, constantly thinking and doing…people who uplift you by just being around them. I love positive energy and people who challenge me to always wonder…why* I want to keep on forgiving people who have made mistakes and done wrong…a life with forgiveness is a life of minimal regrets..as long as I know my intentions are never ill, I will continue to grow*

***THIS is a perfect example of my randomness. But isn’t this what blogging is all about? You can be completely random and outlandish, as long as your true to self?? I feel like this whole blogging thing has done wonders for me. Even if I am just releasing nothing thats really important…*(depending on who you ask)*…

…hopefully tomorrow I will have something with more substance…

**My Nana is having open heart surgery this week. We found this out yesterday, and she is extremely lucky that they found it when they did. Her heart is 95% CLOGGED. At 79 she is pulling through like the strong woman she has always been. I am not going to pretend like I am not shaken up and worried beyond belief..but I can only imagine how she must feel so I have to suck it up and be strong for both my Mother & Nana. I will have an update soon, I just am all mixed up and need time to focus on family.

Til then…I will continue to keep it realer than most…

`bE

pieces I have written…

“Weather Permitting”

could you speak to me without
speaking at all?
could you understand the essence without
witnessing a fall?

could we vibe on a level unknown to most
and prosper in unity
unseen like a ghost

could we build trust levels of teflon
so strong not even bombs infused with
napalm could rupture….

abolish
all those preconceived notions
you summed up
about me and my
bottled up emotions?

i write therefore i am
able to express me freely

on paper or …

are u not satisfied with what i am trying to
convey?

with my wordplay….

_______________________________________________________________________________________

“When Actions Speak Louder Than Words”

[complications]

cause participation
in socially unacceptable

[situations]

not thinking of the

[emancipation proclamation]

that you need to succeed
he sees empty

[fornication]

she sees minds creating

[destination]

his verbiage needs

[filtration]

since its used to create nothing but
body pleasing …

[stimulation]

_______________________________________________________________________________________

“Untitled”

Love Dont Pay The Bills

So Please Stop Knocking On My Door,
Its Not The Type Of Oppurtunity I Am Looking For

Me? Simply
Melanin.Framework.Heart&Soul.Vital Fluid

Don’t Force My Substance,
As Well As Your Own

I’m Just Another Road
That
Will
Lead
You
Into
A
Brick Wall

So Please Proceed…
I Can’t (Wont) Give You What
You
Need

*LL*

______________

**